Trying to Learn Hindi

This morning I woke up thinking of work. Tucked in the mountain town of Moossoori, a town built by the British as a holiday launch point, my head is literally in the clouds 6,000 feet tucked into the Himalayas. Fresh air, hot tea, dew on the trees, valleys funnel clouds along their way, my mind wanders to the sublime, beauty and things disconnected entirely. I dream of home, literature, writing, friends, love, my family, career goals - self absorbed topics of contemplation - topics that are important and feel to be invited by these surroundings. And, being here, I want to inhabit this space with all of me, think about what it would be like to move to a mountain town and live the life that I supposedly purport, grow my own food, write, smile, and live in a state of contentment. But then I think about why I am here, and it is for exactly the opposite reason, to prepare me to engage, to enhance my skills so as to effectuate "good" change in a lasting way, not a way that is entirely self focused. We came to this town because of a world-renowned Hindi language school. Indeed, this step is the antithesis of what my mind has slipped to since arriving last night. I am nervous because Hindi is such a different language, but also because it this process is a very symbolic step, it signifies a real measure of preparation for a fast-approaching work start date. My days now have structure and consequence, we are no longer sitting around talking of everything and nothing, no more orientation, massive groups of white people, arranged travel, planned meals, English speakers.

Furthermore, I need to learn this language. In three weeks I don’t expect to become fluent, but I do feel the weight of expectation at my host organization and the fact that acquiring this skill directly impacts my ability to meet those expectations, do my job well, and walk away at the end of 9 months with a concrete skill. Surely I have enthusiasm, some experience, a great support network, etc. but it is stupid of me to think I can do workers organizing or help an organization to that end without speaking some of the language, ignoring the fact that Gujarati and not Hindi really ought to be my focus. I very much feel this pressure.

So, I go forward with full enthusiasm, sincere intentions of learning and the understanding that it takes much time. Beneath the anxiety of worrying about my job, ability to learn Hindi, living on the other side of the world for a year, eating new foods, meeting women, staying healthy, this anxiety around learning language is telling of a new concern in my life because the list above is not new or exhaustive but healthy and expected, a proper exercise for a thinking person going through change. What pushes me the most is that the task of learning Hindi is not an assignment, not a paper, it exists not in the tangentially connected world of campus life but in a very real sense, in the real world and is impacting on me as a professional going forward. This new mindset is one that I am working to understand, to understand that from here on out, the onus is mine, for better or worse, and translates into real terms, terms that make me better at certain jobs, more hirable, efficient, knowledgeable, savvy, productive, and in turn happy with the outcomes that I am able to get. Fake it until you make it doesn’t apply here, but rather I need to learn and make it, faking it will not suffice. In short, my work matters and I need to take it seriously.

Sitting in the clouds, literally, becomes problematic, an ironic place to engage with real life skills acquisition if for no other reason than its symbolism. In life, the challenge lies, how do I balance between these clouds and the disconnect they offer, and the real world that exists all around me. The implications are many, thinking of career, money, location, partnership, how do I remain happy, invested in literature, love, family, writing, art, nonsense, things that matter and matter deeply to me while at the same time, not lost, disconnected, clueless as to the reality on the ground. Setting it up like this creates a false dichotomy, nothing is this black and white, but it is helpful for me to think about as a young person now figuring out his life. The clouds this morning asked all these questions and what better place to think about them. Off to language school to work on them for now.